Right now I'm suffering flashbacks of my life in Chico. I escaped homelessness, threats and abuse, thoughts of suicide, attempted attacks and assaults on my person only to suffer the same fate in the city of San Francisco.
Women have some rights here than in Chico or in the rest of the country but women are far from free in a world of Injustice.
After being attacked by a crazy black homeless person I realize the system is still against me. It was useless calling the cops and it was useless going to the hospital where I now face a $600 bill because a doctor talked me into getting a shot to prevent tetanus from where the guy scratched me on my neck.
It is useless calling the cops when I see a pimp prostituting his girl's out of his car and out of my building, it is useless calling the landlord when anything needs to be done around here including a broken smoke detector which has been hanging from its live electrical wire since I moved in two years ago, it is useless trying to report any crime around here to the police who never show up, it is useless to defend myself when I am constantly under attack.
I hate being a victim because I'm a woman. I hate being threatened all the time and being attacked and I am always fearful when I go out because everyone is crazy.
There is no Freedom when I live in fear.
there is no way to live my life and do what I want.
If I were a man would I have more freedom?
If I kill myself can I be reborn as a man?
I don't think I'm going to live much longer anyway because any time I get myself settled somewhere other people rip apart my life and I'm always threatened by others.
I may not live long enough to finish all that I want to do including my projects my movies and music and my writings that I've been working on.
there is nothing else for me to do.
