I'm afraid to go out. I had to dress up to apply for the Census job and a homeless man asked me for change.
"For coffee. For some coffee," he said, coming closer to me. I had to shake my head and say, "Sorry, I don't have cash." I hardly ever carry cash on me.
Police at Powell Street Station were telling a homeless man to move along. "I just don't like repeating myself," the policeman said.
The Farmer's Market was still going at the Civic Center Plaza, since they sell food and also accept food stamps. All the bars are closed but the cannabis dispensaries are still open--it's medicine for others.
All non-essential business is closed. Buses are still going, drug stores (Walgreens/CVS, etc.) are still open.
I feel like I'm in the apocalypse. I can't describe how unreal it feels. I'm still in shock. I keep waiting for things to go back to normal but there won't really be a normal after this.
Yesterday, most of North Beach was shut down--save for a couple cafes and food places doing To-go/Cash only. "One party at a time please" the sign on the door said, in order to comply with the health official's request to limit groups of people.
I hope the COVID-19 cases are going down but I think it will get worse before it gets better. More people are getting the virus. A doctor at UCSF has it and he's quarantined at home. We will see more people die. The homeless are most at-risk. The city is still taking punitive measures against them--tearing down tents, taking away their belongings and vital paperwork (ID's, etc.).
It's not right. Our city, government and country has failed its most vulnerable people.
"Telecommuting" is the new privileged phrase on the Titanic ship called COVID-19. Only a few rescue boats for the rich and privileged are available. The rest of us will have to drown.
Already, the news is reporting cases where rich celebrities have been tested for the COVID-19 virus but everyone else is stuck at hospitals waiting for tests-kits that are out of stock. The White House cut funding for the CDC and has not addressed this shortage. The Trump administration is not helping matters at all.
My job is on hold until May. I'm living off my savings. I'm still applying for other jobs and have applied for unemployment. I'm trying to stay busy.
Starbucks was open. Burger King had roped off all tables and chairs with "Do Not Cross" tape. 7-11 was open.
Jobs have been cut. There are massive layoffs. I don't know how this will affect our shipping supply or our food. Gas prices are down but it doesn't matter now. Maybe the environment will improve? It's not much to hope for.
I want to get out. I want to escape but there's nowhere to go. Some people are leaving the country and going back to their home, since they have better healthcare there than in the US. I'm alone except for my boyfriend. My Dad has bronchitis and I'm worried about him. He works for the VA in Oregon and I don't know what the situation is like there.
Most of my friends can work at home. Some of my friends are on Disability. Some are facing homelessness.
I don't want to complain. I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I was facing bad depression before this and now I don't know what to do. I feel like I have to do something, like I can't just stay in my room the whole time. I live in Chinatown. I don't like telling people this but that's how it is.
I've been going online, to a website called, 7 Cups to help myself and talk to others about depression. It helps some. Many people have anxiety about the virus situation. Many have lost their jobs. Some have loved ones with the virus.
It's too much to comprehend. It's too much for a lot of people. It's tempting to shut down and give up. There will be another toll--not directly related to the virus--that people are unprepared for. The mental health of people in this country is fragile. Very little keeps us going. Society is an illusion and if you take away the basic needs: Shelter, Food and Safety--you won't have a society anymore. This is already happening. It will get worse before it gets better.
How do you prepare for the shut-down of society? You can't.
Thrown together with a disaster that's now world-wide--there is no plan.
Disasters I've seen:
- COVID-19
- The Camp Fire
- Puerto Rico disaster
- The Oroville Dam threat
- Japan Earthquake and radiation exposure
- Haiti Earthquake
- The Paradise/Oroville fire of 2008
- Hurricane Katrina
- 9/11
Tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, fires, earthquakes... only a few were directly related to me or to someone I know.
On the news, you realize how small our world is. A couple from Chico, California died in the tornado that hit Tennessee. I didn't know them but my friends knew the couple who died.
Everything is precarious. Safety is an illusion and anything can change.
