I just wanted to post something and get
this off my back.
I’ve been through a lot (which is why
I haven’t posted) but I feel this is important enough to post. This
account is meant to be objective, and does not truly describe all the
horror I had to endure and the resulting trauma it produced in me.
***
I had been through something terrible a
couple of months ago…
Due to harassment from a terrible
roommate who tricked me into signing a lease with a bad property
management company who in turn harassed me, I was driven to a state
of panic and severe depression.
I was facing homelessness because of
them and was forced into a bad situation with the roommate and
property manager where they tried to charge me over $7,000 in a scam.
The roommate and property management company continued to harass me
and my family for money. I was advised against seeking legal help by
the property management company and had no attorney to protect me.
Because I couldn’t get the help I
needed at the time, I had resorted to an act of desperation which put
my physical and mental health in jeopardy. I did not have a good
support system of people to help me through my personal crisis, along
with an unresponsive and uncaring legal and police system and due to
the harassment I was going through, I felt there was no way out but
the alternative…
I had done harm to myself and was
shortly admitted thereafter.
However, my experience with the mental
health system and its efforts to rob myself and everyone who goes
into it of their money and dignity has taught me to never ask for
help again.
Due to the laws now, if a person states
that they’re feeling “suicidal” they must be reported and
therefore treated as criminals, put into a system in which they have
no control and helpless to stop any abuse or mistreatment upon their
person.
I had entered into the mental health
system with the belief that I would receive the help I so desperately
needed. However, this did not happen, I did not receive proper care
or guidance and was threatened against my will to submit to a system
that was meant to entrap me and rob me of any free-will or human
rights.
After my incident in which I attempted
to endanger myself, I voluntarily checked into a county behavioral
health center for observation to state that I "was not going to
harm myself or others". It was a dismal place full of
bureaucracy, needless forms to be filled out and no trained staff,
only 'orderlies' who are charged with admitting you, going through
your bags and filing paperwork.
I had to stay the night, sleep in a bed
that resembled a prisoner's bed, with no extra clothes or even a
toothbrush. There was no one to talk to either. I had to ask one of
the orderlies if there was a therapist I could talk to. When someone
finally came to 'check-up' on me, I was informed that this person was
not a therapist and that they couldn't really help me.
The next morning, I felt a panic attack
again but there was no one for me to talk to. I was not given any
medication and had barely eaten the previous evening (due to my
Celiac disease). I tried to write down on a piece of paper how I felt
but when I approached the desk, no one paid any attention to me. I
left the paper on the desk with no one acknowledging me. Later, a
very rude nurse barged into my room asking me, "What's your
problem?". I didn't respond to her rude inquiry and instead left
the building at which point I was locked out and could not get back
in.
This did not reassure me that I would
get help.
A few days later, at the urging of a
family member, I returned to the behavioral health center and had to
recount exactly why I was "depressed" and "panicked".
When I was asked if I felt "suicidal", I answered
truthfully at the time, that yes, I was overwhelmed due to the
harassment I suffered and depression that resulted after.
At that point, the woman in charge
threatened me with a 5150 (forced hospitalization, usually reserved
for very violent offenders and patients). She threatened to send me
to Sacramento, away from my family or anything I knew.
I said I didn't want a 5150 and asked
if there were any alternatives.
She told me I had to admit myself to a
local facility and started telling my family member that it was the
only chance for me. She stopped talking to me after that and treated
me like an idiot who couldn't make any decisions for myself.
I had to sign a bunch of papers that I
didn't have a chance to read and quickly make arrangements to go into
the hospital immediately or else I would be forced with a 5150. I had
to sign all my arrangements to the family member, including financial
arrangements and basically my whole life that I had controlled up to
that point.
I am not familiar with this mental
health system, I did not understand why they could order a 5150 on me
because I was suffering from panic attacks. All I needed was a
therapist and possibly some xanax. I was not provided with any
alternatives besides the threat of a 5150.
I was later admitted to the hospital.
No one told me what to expect. I was
only told by the county behavioral health woman that this would be
the quickest way to diagnosis of my "condition". I had
never been hospitalized in my entire life before this and had never
experienced suicidal thoughts or self-harm before. I was never on any
medications for mental health or emotional health. I did not think I
needed to be in the hospital that long.
It turned out they would force me,
against my will, to stay there an entire week.
I was assigned to a doctor who
immediately put me on an anti-psychotic (which they give to everyone
admitted regardless of their mental health history or current state
of mind). I was told this was voluntary, that I could refuse this
medication. However, when I later tried to refuse it, they told me I
would be forced with a 5150 if I did not comply.
The doctor who was assigned to me would
continue to tell me to take multiple medications that I had never
heard of, other anti-psychotic drugs that I didn't need and
tranquilizers that were unnecessary. He was not a psychologist but a
psychiatrist, a person who often prescribes medication without
knowing anything about a patient's therapy needs. I was never given a
therapist, psychologist, or even a counselor.
Numerous social workers were in charge
of "helping" me or rather, they dealt with my case.
However, they did not talk with the doctor and most of the time
didn't know what was going on between the doctor and the nurses in
the facility. Every time I asked, "When am I getting out of
here?" They didn't know anything. When I asked them, "What
did the doctor say?" They had no idea.
The nurses themselves were equally
clueless and often times had conflicting information between what the
doctor ordered and what was on their computer screen. Most of the
nurses had just come out of junior college and were in no way
properly trained to handle anyone who would be regarded "mentally
ill" or "dangerous". They would gossip in their
offices within earshot of the patients and didn't care about their
jobs much. In a hospital system that barely pays above minimum wage,
many of them were over-worked and underpaid.
The only good thing I could say about
this particular hospital was that they had good food, provided for my
dietary needs and had many activities that were guided by other
healthcare personnel. Unfortunately, many of the "classes"
and sessions we were required to go to were canceled because not
enough people went to them, so I was not able to join these until
later.
As for my rights, many were violated.
When I signed a paper admitting myself to the hospital I remember
checking a box saying I didn't want to be photographed. But later a
nurse took my picture, telling me that all the patients had to be
photographed. They paid no attention to the forms.
I was not allowed visitors except the
one family member and due to the Privacy Act laws, none of my friends
or other family members were told I was in the hospital or could
contact me. I learned later, one of my other friends tried to get me
out of the hospital but were denied any access because of this
mis-used law.
I wasn't even allowed to receive phone
calls. What happened was this: we were allowed phones to call during
certain times but when a call came through, no one answered it. Not
the nurses, no one. If someone called and asked to see Miss Jane Doe,
the nurses wouldn't tell them anything unless that caller had a
specific number ID to contact the patient with. So many patients
weren't getting calls from loved ones that they should have gotten.
I was never told when I would get out
of the hospital. Due to the severity of my panic and the resulting
mis-treatment I suffered in the facility, I stopped talking. I would
not respond. The county behavioral health people were called and made
matters worse by threatening to 5150 me again. They were dead set on
shutting me up in a facility away from my family where I had no
control. Some of the nurses were against this, knowing that I was not
violent and that I wanted treatment, I wanted help. But I came very
close to being shut up, permanently, forever with no way out. Not
even my family member knew how to prevent this from happening.
Eventually, the 5150 order was rescinded but it was still on their
logs that it had been ordered.
I knew then that I was not going to get
the help I needed and that I had been tricked by one of the county
workers, into taking my medication and doing whatever "had to be
done" in order to get help. I never got the help I needed.
Things got worse.
The doctor kept prescribing more pills
I didn't want to take. I suffered side effects from the pills. The
nurses were disrespectful. On top of that more patients were brought
in, almost overloading the staff. I could sense trouble ahead. I was
told by the doctor to just "stick it out". He never told me
when I would leave.
Because of the resulting outburst I
had, when I hadn't responded, it gave the doctor an excuse to keep
me. That and my insurance was footing the bill. The doctor would get
paid no matter what while I had to suffer and stay in there for an
unknown length of time.
After a week, I told my family member
to get me out and that nothing more could be done for me. I was
already taking the meds, I had gone to all the classes and done what
they told me to. But in the end, they wouldn't let me leave.
Several patients who had been admitted
the same time I was, had already been sent home. Besides another
patient, I was the only one still there. I could not figure out why
they were keeping me. I was starting to get upset and angry. No one
was telling me anything. I wrote my name on a board in order to speak
with a social worker to figure out what was going on. Nobody came to
talk to me.
I got upset and tried to escape out of
the hospital. They threatened to restrain me and 5150 me. My family
member came, only to be talked out of taking me home by the doctor. I
was too upset to talk with my family member. I knew I wasn't going to
get out. All they cared about was that the damn door didn't have a
camera and that had allowed me to get close to the door in order to
escape. No one cared about me.
My family member was told to go home
and leave me in the hospital. Now I was livid. I called my other
relative and told them all that had happened but I didn't want them
driving up because of their precarious health. I called another
friend who had tried to help me but they couldn't do anything because
they weren't on my Privacy Act list of contacts.
Finally, when the nurses came around to
speak to me and said I was going to be in a 5150 hospital I
threatened to call an attorney. I had the phone book open on my lap
and attempted to dial a number. I started dialing the number when the
nurse finally got the discharge papers and let me leave. It turned
out the doctor had signed the
papers but for some reason wouldn't let me leave.
My
family member had to be called back to pick me up but I was so livid,
I didn't trust them. After what I had been through, I wouldn't trust
anyone ever again.
There
was absolutely no reason for me to go through what I did. I was
thrown into a system of incompetence and extreme paranoia on the
doctor's part. They had degraded me, insulted my intelligence and
forced me to comply with their idiotic prescriptions.
In
that hospital I had been treated like an imbecile, not allowed to
even floss my teeth, forced to wear a prisoner's smock with 24 hour
video monitoring in my room, hallways and outside. I was never
allowed to leave the building. At night, I was awoken every hour with
a flashlight beaming into my face to check that I was still there and
not trying to kill myself. I accidentally set off the alarms by
raising my hand up to check to see if the air conditioner was on in
my room because it was too damn cold. The bathrooms were dirty
because the other patients didn't care about cleanliness and they put
up stupid signs telling us to clean up after ourselves which turned
out to be ridiculous.
Never
was I on drugs, been violent, involved in dangerous incidents or
dangerous behavior toward others, or committed any crime that would
have justified this treatment.
I was
lied to, cheated of my money and human rights while they had
absolutely no respect for myself or others who were forced to admit
themselves. The "Complaint forms" I was given were
absolutely useless considering it will be tossed into some file
drawer never to be seen again or dismissed because you're
mentally ill, nobody will
believe you.
Considering
that mental health accounts for major unemployment, homelessness and
legal problems in that county one would think that the people
involved in this system and in charge of treatment would know better
but they do not. All they care about is money.
I was
charged over $32,000 for my stay at the hospital and that's not
including the medical treatment, psychiatric treatment, lab tests
from blood draws and other charges. I'm still receiving bills from
the hospital and have yet to receive a bill from the county hospital
for their charges.
Luckily, I have insurance but I still have many thousands to pay
out-of-pocket.
I will
never again allow myself to be sucked into this system which only
uses people and does not hold any hope of cure or treatment for these
individuals seeking the only care they may have in their whole lives.
The
stigma that surrounds the mentally ill will never go away and to put
oneself at risk for this label is a lifelong debilitating curse. I
will forever be on the books as "hospitalized" and forever
be known that I was "off my meds" because I refused to be
put on an anti-psychotic drug that should never have been given to me
in the first place.
Due to
these risks, I've had to consider whether or not to publish what I
had been through. I may risk unemployment, discrimination, further
harassment and judgement from people in this society but I think that
suffering in silence is worse. I never thought I would suffer what I
did from the bad people who put me through living hell and I never
thought I would ask for help only to be thrown into a hospital system
that sought to keep me there permanently.
I
caution anyone else who's going through a similar crisis, and to tell
them to avoid getting any medical help in this system. I felt I had
no alternative because at the time few of my friends wanted to get
involved in my problems, no family member was close enough to help me
or understand what I was going through and I was in such a panicked
state that I couldn't think straight. I suffered more because I was
alone and had no support system.
This
is the advice I offer:
- Don't say you're "suicidal". If anyone presses the subject, get an attorney, and avoid getting a 5150 at any cost.
- Make plans: Know who to trust if you are hospitalized and make sure they know what to do, and get an attorney who is a mental health advocate. If you're hospitalized, you'll have no access to your financial records, state of affairs or anything.
- Get an Advocate. Make sure this person is someone you can trust because they'll be in charge of your affairs. No one can give you an Advocate (as I found out unfortunately). This will be someone you've known for many years.
- Seek alternatives: Personal therapists, healers, support, etc. There are alternatives to hospitalization, just remember these people by law are required to report "suicidal" thoughts, so don't tell them you're "suicidal" just explain what you're going through and how they can help.
Also:
don't call the suicide hotlines, they don't work. Sorry folks, but
these are the least trained individuals and I've had bad experiences
both times.
Join a
group therapy session but make sure it's independent from any mental
health hospital to protect you from being "recruited" into
their hospital. Some religious organizations offer therapy groups,
including non-denominational ones. Peer support groups are good,
where those who've "been there" can share their own
experiences.
Some
colleges and schools offer therapy groups with confidentiality
(remember the "suicide" report law is still in effect with
all therapy groups). Local meetings may be listed in the community
newspaper or online calendar. Word of mouth from friends and family
members can also be helpful and it's how I heard of local groups in
my area.
Other
advice to know:
- You won't get help. Be prepared for the worst case scenario, many people aren't prepared or equipped to help you through a crisis. If this happens, YOU have to know what to do to HELP YOURSELF. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have made the choice to go through what I did. Information is power and get all the free legal help you can before resorting to a paid attorney.
- Above all: Stay Calm. I know this sounds crazy, but if you're upset and the people against you are not, they'll win. Keep Calm, get an attorney and know the law.
I wish
I had known more resources I could've gone to and used but I wasn't
provided many choices. There were a couple of free legal help centers
and low-cost attorneys for certain situations, but that's all. The
county and city services may be different, so make sure you know the
laws and rights for each one.
Knowing
the laws concerning mental health is critical to protecting yourself
and possibly your loved ones should your rights be violated. The
National Alliance on Mental Illness offers a Legal Support and
Resources link with information.
www.nami.org National Alliance on
Mental Illness
NAMI advocates for access to services,
treatment, supports and research and is steadfast in its commitment
to raise awareness and build a community for hope for all of those in
need.
