With Valentine's Day
coming up I thought it would be prudent to put some advice up about
what NOT to do on your profile for those dating sites such as:
OKCupid, Match.com, eHarmony and even Craig's List.
(For the sake of writing and explaining I will use terms like Men & Women but I mean to be inclusive of all genders, Transpeople, etc.)
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| Sorry for the gender bias pic here... |
The biggest pet peeve I
have and most of what I've seen is men posing with pictures of their
children or worse yet, pictures of other people's children. Don't do
this, it makes you look like a pedophile and the fact that you
exploit children to get a date is wrong.
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| (I wouldn’t post an underage child pic, but yeah, you get the idea…) |
Same advice here for
women. Don't pose with your kids or someone else's otherwise you'll
attract pedophiles.
With that being said, unless you’re on an adult sex site, don’t post pics of your privates either--it’s just gross (that goes for men and women and whoever else).
Pictures of you and your
bros chugging beer in a bar (or beach binge) is the reason why women don't go to bars
to date, so do you really want to post that pic for everyone to see
(including your boss)? Unless you want to date a barfly, don't post a
bar crawl pic.
I'm ambivalent about women
posing with their friends in bars, mostly because I don't drink. It
may show that you're having a good time but it also sends the message
that you hang out a lot in bars, so be aware of that.
No weapons--ever! I've
seen so many "military" pics of men with their guns and
knives or hunting pics with big, scary weapons around them. All that
says to me is, "Stay away from this guy, he'll kill you.”
Same thing with women, it's not something you want to post for
everyone to see, "Oh, gee, that explains her road-rage--she's
got an aggressive streak in her.”
Pets are okay, just make
sure they're yours (and make sure your landlord doesn't see this
pic). If they're outdated pictures of a pet you used to have, it's
really awkward to ask, "Is that your dog?" and have a reply
like, "Oh no, it died some years ago…".
That brings me to the
point of: no outdated pictures. Seriously, you may have looked great
ten years ago in high school but now you need to face reality and
those who are dating you don't want to meet someone totally different
from the picture you posted. Be honest!
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| Is this from the 1970’s? |
Oh yeah, no sunglasses
pictures please. I want to see what you look like, not what brand of
eyeshades you wear. It also creates a wall for the person looking at
your picture and they will most likely skip it (like I've done for
the tenth time).
No to Bathroom pics. I
don't want to see your bathroom, your dirty clothes and the lousy pic
you took with a phone while you were half naked. I. really. don't.
want. to. see. that. (Same thing for women, and yes, I've seen those
bar bathroom pics online *shudders*).
No Girlfriend/Boyfriend
pics--seriously! Unless you're into Polyamory (look it up), don't
post pics of your significant other, or worse yet, 'black-out' pics
of you and your significant other. It's just really stupid and shows others looking at your profile that the blacked-out image could be
them next time.
Also, I hate to have to
put this here but no pics of someone else that isn't you. It seems
kind of obvious but a lot of people try to pass themselves off as
Brad Pitt or this guy... (saw this on Craig's List).
For profile pictures--if
in doubt, ask a friend to take your picture or pretend you're a
tourist in town and ask a stranger. Odds are you'll get a better pic
than if you took it yourself.
You are what you write...
For those of us who don't
look like supermodels, there's still a chance to make yourself stand
out. The secret is to write as much as you can in your profile that's
honest, insightful and isn't total bull-crap.
Don’t write stuff like this:
"I am a white male in my late 30's. I am tall, dark and handsome."
"Hey, sitting home getting baked on my own. I would love some company. Come join me and we can watch a movie on TV or just chat and have a drink and then have some awesome stoner sex! Please be cute, under 40 and HWP [height/weight/proportional--not fat]. I'll send my pic in reply to yours! … I'm clean and have had a vasectomy."
"I like puppies"
doesn't really say much except that you're barking up the wrong tree.
Try, "I like animals but haven't been able to have them because
of my allergies", it's honest and lets others know so they don't
have to ask, "Do you have pets?".
Be honest about yourself
but don't put yourself or others down. "I hate politics and
politicians" doesn't sound intelligent, it just sounds like you
don't participate in group activities. Say instead, "I'm not
political, I don't watch TV, so I don't watch the news but I listen
to NPR and the occasional lecture." See? Your IQ just went up 50
points.
Long term dating or
one-night-stand?
Let's be honest here
folks, it will save a lot of time and wasted effort for both parties
if you just state that you're looking for a one-night-stand. Putting:
One-night-stand/Long-term/Short-term/Friends on your page is
misleading and also means you: 1) Can't make up your mind 2)Are too
desperate to bother with 3)You're really confused and hoping one might lead to another which probably won’t happen.
Which brings us to screen
names, swearing, bad grammar and such in your profile. Avoid this at
all costs! If your profile name is: BigDick2014, GimmeSugar14,
Handjob4You, etc. don't bother.
Plse dnt txt n yur pfle. <--- get
the picture?
No swearing, it lowers your IQ and makes everybody
ignore you. Use spell check and re-read your profile to avoid major
pitfalls like: Your, You're, There, Their, They're, etc.
Avoid any derogatory
comments or slang like: "I'm looking to get with a bitch and
hang out", "We jus' hangin' wit' our n*ggers, yo!",
"Looking for a my girl... my woman... " etc.
I just thought for those
who bother putting themselves out there in the world for the general
public to look at and possibly date, this would be good advice to
follow. We'll see if anyone will actually follow it.
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| Sunset Stroll, anyone? |
Personally I also wonder
about those in-between times after Valentine's Day, what happens to
these people who don't find dates? I've seen profiles online that
have been on there for years--and yes, they're still looking.
I may
write a follow-up story as to why they're still single: Too picky? Not picky enough? Bad dates? Bad luck? They didn't read this advice
on how to write their profiles?
I hope to solve this
mystery.
Thanks for reading! Good Luck finding Love!
