Sorry, Lost Connection...

I sit at my computer wondering why I'm typing this at all...

After months of trying to find a job, I'm thinking of giving up. Temp agencies insult my intelligence with stupid personality tests, saying I don't score high enough on 'working with others'. 

When I finally pass their F*cking gate keeping nonsense, I'm supposed to give them all my information: 10 years of employment history (who's says I've been working for the past 10 years?), my bank routing number, account number, address and all my account history (I'm not a terrorist--it's not of their business how much money I have!), plus fill out more insulting stuff I don't care to discuss...(marriage, living conditions, political/social organizations I belong to, etc.).

All I wanted to do was hold a sign on a street corner for some extra money--homeless people do it all the time and they make more money than I do--and they don't have to spend 3 hours filling out stupid forms.

I just wanted to have a job so I could be "A PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY" but I guess that's too much to ask.

I even thought of making up my own job. I made business cards, made a short bio of what I should do, and joined Facebook (which I loathe!), in order to pretend that I'm part of society. But it was all for nothing.

The women I met who had their own businesses had rich husbands to support them, a second job, or used to be President of the Realtor's Association, etc. I couldn't possibly expect to be one of them, nor could I pretend to fit in with their lifestyle.

Since I'm clearly un-employable, I have decided to give up joining society at all. 

Society values people on their 'productivity'--how much money they make (doesn't matter if it's an honest way or not). How much money you spend on any amount of crap: cars, houses, purses, etc. And how badly you judge other people--I would be considered the lowest rung on the ladder, therefore I would be judged quite harshly by others.

The fact that I'm an intelligent person, capable of feeling emotion, who loves to be creative and write--counts for nothing in this society.

I saw an ad on Yahoo! about the sort of people bosses HATE--I can only imagine my worthiness as a writer makes me the sort that bosses will not hire, simply because I can make a coherent sentence and think critically (which most people can't do today). 

Entering the job force requires you to give up everything that makes you a human being, throw away any ethics on right or wrong and do whatever it takes to win. It requires you to put on a fake personality so your bosses and co-workers will like you--no matter what. Getting considered for a job means competing with other people, even if it means putting them down and pretending you're more qualified than they are. Asking for a job is the equivalent of selling your soul to the devil...assuming that you have a soul to begin with.

No, I don't think I want to get a job anymore. I don't think I will bother trying.
I think I'd rather be dead than debase myself that way. 

I will become an outcast--one of those on the street, that people ignore wishing they would disappear, so that society doesn't have to be reminded of what they are doing wrong. 

I don't know what else to do anymore...

All I can do is try to write and find some little enjoyment in this horrible life that I don't want to live. At least when I die I can say that I lived the life I wanted to live, instead of the life that others would force me to live--a life without meaning.

I hope whoever's reading this will understand. Maybe they can see the truth and find something better to do with their own lives.