Too Tired

Lately, I've been too exhausted to do anything.

I can't write. I can't sleep well. No matter how many hours I lie in bed, I always feel exhausted when I wake up.

I've been working too much and doing nothing at the same time.

Retail work doesn't suit me. Sitting for eight hours at a time and waiting for people to buy stuff doesn't work. I get tired of sitting and doing nothing. I read sometimes but I'm always interrupted by the odd customer who asks, “How much is this?” before they say, “That's too expensive!” and then they leave the store.

I've seen enough of the customers in San Francisco to know how the routine goes.

The regulars are nice. They live in the area and shop local. You usually know them by name and what they always buy. Then you get the tourists. They are a mixed bag. Some are nice, others are not so nice. It can go either way. Then you get the assholes... and when you get the assholes, it's always bad no matter what you do. I'd rather not focus on them. I won't waste words about them. This is about me.

I've done all sorts of jobs: caregiver, sign waver, janitor, cafeteria worker, food service, pet-sitter, front desk at a museum, reading tutor, camp counselor... etc. None of them ever paid a living wage. It wasn't until I came to San Francisco that I got my first full-time job that paid a living wage. Too bad rent was going for $3,000 a month. Now it's $4,000 for a one bedroom and $2,000 for a studio. That's how it goes, I guess.

What I can't stand is how employers treat people. I get that employees don't stick around the Bay Area but when employers use you faster than disposable toilet paper, you get the feeling you're not valued. I've been getting that a lot lately. It's not that I don't do my job: I show up on time, I do my work and clean up. But I got tired of working overtime, and not getting paid for it. I got tired of pulling big sales and not getting a sales bonus. I also got tired of the questions...

Suddenly, the whole Bay Area doesn't trust anyone over 30-years-old. “How old are you?” is a question I get a lot. Also, “When did you graduate? How long have you been in school?” is another way employers ask your age. “Are you married? Do you have kids?” is the next question, though it's supposed to be against the law for people to ask this. I was told there was this “old” woman working in a gym at the front desk (alongside a bunch of kids out of high school). It turns out she was only middle-aged. What the hell?

I was told to get pregnant by my boss and co-workers. I've been asked why I couldn't find a man by a manager, who had kids when he was 16 and got some girl pregnant at 15. I've been asked why I'm not married by a woman who had four divorces and several children in two countries, along with a toddler she had under the care of her mother, who was also her ride to work.

I'm getting real tired of it all.

I've seen so many red flags on jobs that it's become a routine checklist:

• Employer calls me by my email name, not my real name.
• Employer calls me by phone, even though I said for them to contact me by email
• Employer calls me by phone four hours after the job is posted, right after I send my resume in (see above)
• Employer demands an interview the same day or the next day (because they're desperate to fill the position that is now suddenly vacant)
• Employer has a large turn over of employees, in only one year (see above)
• Employer can't keep employees longer than a year, which explains why they're so desperate to find another person, every six months
• Employers post the same ad for the same position, every six months
• Employer talks disparagingly of the last employees, “Oh they were flakes... weren't serious about their job” etc etc.
• Employer pays you less than the going rate
• Employer has you sign a bunch of papers and grudgingly gives you a copy
• Employer gives you a negative job performance review after three months and tells you if you don't clean up your act, you won't get a bonus
• Employer pays you late or forgets to send in the payroll you submitted to them which was on time and because your paycheck is late, so is your rent
• Employer offers you a cash advance (with a lot of interest) because they claim they never got your payroll hours on time
• Employer sends you passive aggressive emails about how employees can turn into monsters and ruin the business unless their behavior is nipped in the bud
• Employer denies your bonus even though you've done excellent sales
• Employer leaves the bathroom a mess every time and doesn't flush the toilet, expecting you to flush and clean up the mess and the employer probably hasn't even washed their hands ever since that time they refused to flush the toilet even though you put a sign on the door that is underlined: Please flush the toilet before you leave
• Employer plays mind games with you and co-workers, playing you against each other and warning you about “the old lady” or “the slacker” when they don't give a shit about any of you
• Employer is always away from work and hard to get a hold of when a problem comes up
• Employer denies that there is a problem even though you've brought the problem up many, many times before but they never got back to you for some reason
• Employer refuses to talk about problems, puts it all on you to solve and blames you when the problem doesn't go away on its own
• Employer is pissed at you because since you've quit they've had to deal with all the problems you've dealt with, on top of running the business and now they're overwhelmed and cranky all the time but you don't need their reference because you've already found a different and better job that doesn't put you through a bunch of shit

And then there's this:

• Employer doesn't have you sign anything and tells you to come to work the next day— which leads to (see below)
• Employer not paying you for your work after you're “on call” for two weekends with no set schedule or payment arrangement that leads to— (see below)
• Employer having to go to court with you over not paying you for your work after you've made a complaint to the Department of Labor
• Employer also threatening to sue you because you posted publicly about why you quit your job or why your job performance is suffering or why some customers are mad at you or why you're always exhausted or how you're sick of it all and your job makes you want to kill yourself

So yeah... I've been tired. :-(