Showing posts with label BART. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BART. Show all posts

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Everyday Stories



I see stories everyday but I don't have time to write them all down. It seems like I don't have enough time or strength to do anything...

Every day, I see stories.

Today, I saw two military recruiters in the BART station at Powell. I've never seen them there before and it's the spot that musicians usually take when they're performing (and busking). I wonder why the military is tabling at a BART station. It seems bad, like they're desperate for people to join. If we have more wars, more people will be needed to fight them. We don't need a draft in the US, because we already have an economic draft. People are desperate for jobs.

Every day, I see people.

Whose story do I want to tell? Do I have the right to tell someone else's story? I used to interview people for their stories. Now I don't get to talk to anyone. It's not my job to be interested anymore. I'm still curious though...

I have a lot of guilt. When I see homeless people, usually people of color, I feel guilty. I don't want to focus on the guilt. I want to focus on the people. It's hard to look at people sometimes. Mostly I just keep to myself. I don't want to get involved. I don't have strength to get involved. I have my own problems and like most people, I'm too consumed by my own troubles to care. I feel heartless. I feel cynical and jaded. I'm becoming what I hate. But this wasn't supposed to be about me. This was supposed to be a story about other people.

Every day, I'm tired.

No matter how much sleep I get, I'm always exhausted in the morning. Yeah, losing a job sucks and it really wrecks havoc on your daily routine. I have more time to write but I don't feel like writing. There's so much I have to do... How can I be so busy when I'm not working? I post to Facebook sometimes. I need to get off Facebook. My friends are on Facebook and they post a lot of stuff. I don't get to read it all because Facebook messes with algorithms. I think Facebook is a waste of time. Doesn't anyone talk on the phone or in person anymore?

Sometimes I lose a lot of weight. I always feel like I'm dragging my body along, even after I lose a few pounds. I shouldn't be losing weight. I feel like crap. I feel like I'm hungry from Celiac and tired and worn out... I feel like a dried up husk of a person and that pretty soon the rest of me will give up. It explains my depression.

Every day, I'm stressed.

Stress is bad. Everyone knows this, yet we don't do anything to stop it. Work causes stress. People cause stress. My living situation causes me stress. I don't have room for a proper bed, it's always noisy, I'm uncomfortable when I sleep and I never feel at home in my ten by ten foot room. I feel like crying at times. Sometimes I do cry. It doesn't help much. I feel drained. I feel like the world is a vampire. I just want to get away from people, be out in nature and sleep forever. I shouldn't feel like this.

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Privilege and Germs

I notice a lot of people complaining about riding MUNI and BART — most of them are techies.

With all the damn scooters and Ubers around, you would think the techies wouldn't bother with plebeian transportation. Yet somehow these “germophobes” find their way to the rest of us who ride on public transportation in SF (San Francisco).

The main complaint? The homeless and their GERMS!

The techies have never heard of hand sanitizer apparently.

Sure, MUNI and BART is gross at times. I've seen my share of: vomit, piss and shit. That's the whole human race though — we're all really animals, it's just some are better at disguising this defect and we call those types: The Privileged.

I wonder at this trend of privilege and germophobia. Turns out it started in the Victorian age as in, the age of sickness, fever, plagues and death.

They never washed their hands in those days. Sewage was out in the street and there were no antibiotics or vaccines then. Penicillin (which I'm allergic to) didn't exist yet. Those were times to be afraid of germs.

But a new germophobia continued throughout the age and it turned into a new kind of threat: the immigrant germ phobia.

In Jack Herrera's article on Pacific Standard (https://psmag.com/news/studies-show-fears-about-migration-and-disease-are-unfounded) published online in May 15, 2019, the racist agenda is still at work when it comes to blaming any new plague on the immigrant population. The US has a notorious reputation for denying entry into the country based on a health inspection where anything from lice to a cough could put you back on the boat.

The most threatening fact is that the current Trump administration is trying to use this tactic again with refugees coming into the US. Other than the total racist agenda at work, the claim that immigrants bring diseases is, to quote the article, unfounded. It's rather the poor conditions people have suffered through that leads to the spread of disease — most of which can be cured with simple medicine and better living standards.

I've seen my share of the “immigrant condition”. Readers who have followed me know I live in Chinatown, the last place in SF where the rent isn't $3K-$4K. But not for long. Whole blocks are torn down in SOMA to make way for the rich condos that all working-class in San Francisco can't afford to live in. Those who can't afford the hefty price of “luxury” have to settle for run-down wrecks known as SRO's, the old barracks of the working-class and a shameful reminder of San Francisco's marginalization of the non-rich population.

The filth I've witnessed here is best left unsaid but I blame it on poor conditions: no bathrooms in the units so 10+ people on each floor share a bathroom, and poor hygiene awareness. Many of the folks in the building are old and are not aware of how to properly “clean” themselves or the bathrooms they use. Slop buckets must be popular in China, where in most places there is no sewage.

I've had my share of disgust and contempt here. What makes it worse though, is the knowledge that there is nothing else around... as the rich techie kids make AirBnB rentals out of the SRO's in Chinatown — resulting in higher rents. I'm quite disgusted with it all.

These over-privileged kids make a big deal about how they don't want to get their hands dirty — especially when they've never done a bit of hard work in their life. I've done more than my share of “dirty” jobs and I'm not ashamed. Working in an animal shelter removed whatever squeamish reaction I would've had to anything grungy. I've also been a care-worker and seen my share of human filth. I'm pretty much immune to it. That being said, I hate being sick and manage to avoid it. I only get sick about twice a year, and that's with everyone coughing on me and me riding the MUNI and BART. Why am I not dead yet?

Too much germophobia can be harmful. My grandmother put bleach in everything, even the food. She'd wash vegetables and soak the fruit with a drop of bleach, just like she was told to do in her day. I never quite understood this hysteria she had for germs but she'd tell me horror stories constantly of people catching tapeworms, E. Coli., dysentery and other horrible diseases — all because someone didn't wash their hands.

I gather the task of keeping the household germ-free fell mostly to women, as my grandfather never worried himself over this and certainly my father, who fished in the wilds and slept in his van sometimes, didn't bother himself over. I was reminded yet again, how the system of oppression against women works in such conniving ways.

The war on germs came from doctors, as they were likely paid by commercial companies who sold soap and bleach to ward off the evils of filth. “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” was pushed to the extremes during the 1950's because what else did women have to do when they came back from the World War Two factories and jobs? They went back into the household to have babies and the men from war went back to work, leaving all the women alone to fend for themselves in the next invisible war: contagion.

Worse than the Cold War, this was a war with no visible weapons and woman's only defense was the shield of chemical compounds known as bleach and other abrasive, poisonous ingredients. Why on earth would women use such dangerous chemicals? Fear. It was widespread through ads warning about what could happen to the children, should they come across the infestation known as germs. Won't you think of the children? The ads screamed from newspapers, magazines, radio and now TV ads.

And yes, women were to blame for their unhygienic condition too. In Barbara Ehrenreich and Deirdre English's book, “Complaints and Disorders: The Sexual Politics of Sickness” (Feminist Press, 1973) there was widespread belief about a woman's body and her “cleanliness” factor. Men's disgust of women's bodies spread into the medical field as doctors told women to douche with bleach... down there.

Although these ads are clarified now as a false method of birth control, the bleach douche was nevertheless touted as a way to make women's bodies “odor free”. Whatever the hell that's supposed to mean... as conclusive evidence points out that douching with bleach is more likely to kill you than cure you of anything.

My grandmother told me her doctor advised her to follow this horrendous and life-threatening act. When I asked my grandma why, she just shrugged her shoulders, “That's what they all told us then, we didn't know any better so we just did as we were told.” I'll also point out that a few doctors almost killed her with their ineptitude and blatant disregard for her health.

Doctors did a lot of harm to women and the trend continues today.

Germophobia takes its toll in more ways than you'd think. Being afraid of germs can take a toll on your psychological and social health. I remember as a kid being afraid to touch the toilet seat for fear I would catch something... as my grandmother falsely believed, I could possibly catch AIDS. I was afraid to use public toilets at times. I chastised my friends for not washing their hands and in return I got funny looks from them and later had to eat lunch by myself. On a personal note, my fear of germs also damaged my intimate relationships to where I was constantly afraid of catching an STD from skin contact or kissing... until I finally got over it and learned about safe sex. Germs happen and you just learn to live with them.

Now I'm living in poverty, I just don't care anymore. I figure the germs already had a chance to kill me when I visited Thailand a while back and now here in Chinatown I think my immune system has seen it all. I'm still here. I still wash my hands. I'm more lackadaisical about hygiene when it comes to doing the dishes, the laundry and riding public transport.

These days the only disease I'm afraid of catching is the incurable contagion known as: The Rich. Their disgusting, unfounded disdain and hatred for the poor is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. You can't sanitize that. We have yet to make a vaccine against the entitled assholes in San Francisco and the rest of the country. It's a hard enough job cleaning the putrefied dump in the White House.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Things I see at BART stations...

I wanted to make this a regular column, as I notice a lot around me while waiting for the next BART train to arrive.
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"Look Like A Lady"

One day I was waiting at the BART station (I forget which one now) and I happened to see a woman working there. A BART employee dressed in blue, moving a trashcan and picking up the litter dropped by careless, sloppy people everyday.

"How can she stand it?" I thought and watched her for a bit. Then something struck me.

The woman was dressed as if to go out for a night on the town at the Ritz or someplace special. Her hair was perfectly coiffured, diamond earrings (not sure if they were the real thing), perfect makeup and manicured nails.

"Wow, she goes to a lot of effort!" Was my next thought. 

But why? Why all the trouble just to be working at BART and picking up people's trash? Other than ticket sales, there's not much else to do in a BART station. Then I wondered...

Such a crappy job. Maybe she does this to keep her dignity. If you're picking up other people's trash, you don't want to be treated like trash yourself (as I've witnessed first-hand). Or maybe, she does this everyday, regardless of her job or what she's doing.

"I like to look good!" She'd probably say if I asked her why she was all dolled-up.

Also, she was black. Yes, I mentioned race here because I believe it's a factor. I happen to notice black women go to more effort to look good. Perhaps it's the culture, "Gotta look good to feel good!". Or perhaps, you have to go to more effort just to be treated with respect if you're black.

Don't get me wrong, I know the black ladies love to dress up on Sundays and they set the trends for hats, I just wonder about the rest of it. It may be a stereotype but the black women have always put a lot of effort into their looks.

Long polished nails, makeup and hair always done right, always at the salon... even when going out grocery shopping, they look like they just came from church or a night on the town. I may be speaking about older black women here but even younger women won't go out without a thorough inspection of themselves (and their friends).

Michelle Obama, First Black Lady of the White House, has become the new fashion icon (though I feel she's just too Martha Stewart and Jackie "O" Kennedy for me).

It made me wonder how much effort I should put into my own presentation. I'm a white, 31-year-old, unmarried female, who'd rather be comfortable in jeans, t-shirt and sneakers than dress up. God forbid I have to wear make-up! I tend to spend $100 in make-up and clothing when I try to look like other females of my age and social class (whatever that may be), because I simply don't have a clue as to what I'm supposed to do. I don't read fashion magazines or care what the latest Kardashian chick is wearing (Are they still on TV?).

How am I treated, based on how I dress? 

Going through an effort may pay off after all.

If I have a crappy job, one where I'm picking up other people's trash, I want to look just like that lady I saw in the BART station. No matter what, I'll be looking my best and no one will be able to treat me badly because then I'll say to them, "I didn't doll myself up here for nothing! I'm a Lady and you better treat me like one!"