Playtime 4 You *Mature Content*

I was a bit intimidated when I had to drive behind Gasoline Alley to find it.

"What if I can't find the place?" I had to make a quick left but I managed to find the shop after all.

I had seen Playtime 4 You advertised over and over again on Bike Taxis in Chico, on the backs of Premiere Taxis and in the CN&R.

Let me just make this clear, I don't normally visit porn shops. I know about them, I've seen them advertised and two of my friends used to run a back room before they went out of business. When I was eighteen I went to the Underground when it was still in Chico, just to see the back room.

The first thing I was expecting at this porn shop was to see some big, grungy, old dude at the counter, leering at me while I casually browsed the big selection of dildos and vibrators. Instead of a disgusting old pervert, a nice lady was at the counter and greeted me immediately when I came in. I was the only person there, since it was just after noon and the whole store was open for my casual browsing.

It all hit my senses and overwhelmed me though, I have to admit. So many vibrators... Luckily on top of each section was a clear, easy-to-read laminated description card where you could see what kind of vibrators there were, what exactly they were used for and why you should buy them. It was a very organized way of running a porno shop.

Slowly I looked around taking my time and picked up a Japanese pink vibrator that could fit in the palm of my hand. It showed some anime girl in a sexually flirtatious pose and I could read a little of the katakana script to show that they had other model colors, each with their own special anime girl character.

Since most vibrators are made in China, there's a joke that they're called 'folk art' or novelty items, because such sexual items are taboo in that country. It explains why most of the vibrators are in the shape of dolphins and strange sea creatures. In some places because of this taboo, I've heard you actually need a doctor's prescription before you can get a sex-toy--with proof of heterosexual marriage, I think.

There was one vibrator that was remote controlled but what got me laughing was that you could put the tiny remote on your keychain. I wondered how far the remote range was. Another tiny portable vibrator had a remote control that looked like an iPod, just in case someone should suspect that you're carrying a portable vibrator in your purse or pocket.

Blow-up dolls were another popular item. Then I picked up a box with pictures of Justin Bieber on it. It was a "JUST-iN BEAVER love doll"--I couldn't believe it. I don't think you could even buy a thing like that without getting on the radar of some Megan's list somewhere. There were women blow-up dolls too. I really wasn't paying that much attention to the women dolls since I was so distracted by the Bieber Blow-Up Doll.

A Bachelorette shelf was on display, featuring penis-shaped cake molds, straws, party-favors etc. There were a few Bachelor items too, in case the Bachelors wanted to throw a party. Which reminds me, I've never been to a Bachelorette party... maybe it's time I made plans.

Items for the men included: penis-rings, handcuffs, leather accessories, lube, penis-enlargement items, etc. It's really too much for me to fathom what all that stuff is for. I guess you have to be in a certain sexual lifestyle to appreciate all those choices. I'm sure they have a very important function--I just happen to be ignorant to all the possibilities. I did happen to see a blow-job accessory, featuring a teenage (and possibly underage) boy on the picture--which I find very disturbing.

I'm not totally ignorant about the type of people who frequent porn shops and I try to avoid people like that. Most are few and far between but you never know who you might come across. I casually asked the lady at the counter if she'd ever thrown anyone out and she said, "No, not yet." I then wondered if you could be thrown out for not buying anything but I think she understood it was my first time there and I was just looking.

In the back room were lots of videos of women in every situation: Hardcore, Softcore, Shaved, Asian, Black, and lots of other categories I didn't understand and probably wouldn't watch. Along the shelf were special props and pillows to get you in the right sexual postition. There were also whips, rope tie, handcuffs, etc. for that BDSM stuff. I really don't approve of this but I know some people are into it.

A short description of BDSM: B&D is Bondage and Discipline, D&S is Dominance and Submission, S&M is Sadomasochism (Sadism/Masochism), Sadism is to enjoy inflicting pain, Masochism is to enjoy taking the pain--if you like your pleasure with pain.

Since I mentioned BDSM I may as well mention there were copies of "50 Shades of Grey"--lots of them, on sale for 30%. The whole collection is there for you to buy, bring home, get some ideas for some BDSM sex and go back to the porn shop to buy all those fancy accoutrements for that kind of sex you've now been introduced to. I think that was the idea for it anyway... I forgot to ask the lady at the counter if that plan for the porno shop worked. It would be a nice tie-in (yes, pun intended).

For that stripper (female or male) wanna-be out there, Playtime 4 You also has a stripper pole you can install--you might need a stud finder though. No, I'm serious. You don't want to hit those electric wires while you're trying to install that sexy pole, otherwise you're gonna get one hell of a shock. Speaking of shocks, there were some electric do-dads with various voltage for those who want to push the limits on their sexual pleasure (or pain).

I came back to the front of the store and took a look at their special dildos made of glass. Supposedly they're more hygienic since you can clean them more easily (in the dishwasher perhaps?) and are free of those nasty plastic ingredients. They are very pretty and could pass as art, in case your parents go roaming about your bedroom. Yes, the porn shop also carries other glass accessories for your medical prescription needs. For women there are strap-on dildos too.

I didn't memorize the entire selection but I'm guessing they have a lot. In case the store doesn't have what you're looking for there are catalogues you can order from. I mentioned how embarrassing it would be for me to get a special package from PlayTime 4 You if I ordered by mail. But the saleslady assured me they can have your package delivered to the store for you to pick up.

Upstairs in the shop, they have costumes for various role-play or just-for-fun dress-up. With all the skimpy nurse and school girl outfits, I could see how this store would be very popular in this college town during Halloween. They even have stuff for guys to wear--cue wolf whistle. For those not-so-adventurous types there is a wide selection of tights, knee-highs, leg warmers and gloves. And of course, brassieres, which are fun to wear anytime.

Rocky Horror anyone?

And to answer your question, yes, I did buy something at Playtime 4 You.

I bought an Erotic Audio CD, "Better Sex Erotic Stories" Amatory Fiction, Produced for Sinclair Institute (www.BetterSex.com). Judging from the photos, I'm guessing you're supposed to be a white heterosexual married couple before buying the CD. I couldn't help but notice the big 'rock' the woman was wearing is the exact model porn stars wear in their videos. I wonder if they're really married?

I listened to a short track which was relatively stimulating but not very original. I guess I'm just not into background music filled with gasping, sex noises when I'm listening to a story read by a guy who sounds like he's from a toothpaste commercial. Other tracks of stories had women readers, sounding like they were from a porno film, because Gillian Anderson would probably charge too much to read erotic stories. One story was read by a guy with an Irish brogue--no, I kid you not.

Anne Hooper's Pocket Sex Guide was a lot more interesting, featuring other white (supposedly married) couples in various sexual poses. The photos and drawings were informative but limiting. I was a bit disappointed they didn't show more in the book but I recommend it as a good starter for those just getting their feet wet in the sexual arena.

I got a nifty stamp card from Playtime 4 You, so after five stamps I can get 25% off any one item in the store. Playtime 4 You is the only porno shop in town (Centerfolds is way too far for me), so it's very convenient. I will definitely be back in the store to check out their other products and post another review here, so feel free to check back soon!

Some other funny stuff...

Looks like a book but on the inside...

*Ta-Da!*

Do I need a prescription for this?

Wish I had one of these back in the day...

Sorry, Lost Connection...

I sit at my computer wondering why I'm typing this at all...

After months of trying to find a job, I'm thinking of giving up. Temp agencies insult my intelligence with stupid personality tests, saying I don't score high enough on 'working with others'. 

When I finally pass their F*cking gate keeping nonsense, I'm supposed to give them all my information: 10 years of employment history (who's says I've been working for the past 10 years?), my bank routing number, account number, address and all my account history (I'm not a terrorist--it's not of their business how much money I have!), plus fill out more insulting stuff I don't care to discuss...(marriage, living conditions, political/social organizations I belong to, etc.).

All I wanted to do was hold a sign on a street corner for some extra money--homeless people do it all the time and they make more money than I do--and they don't have to spend 3 hours filling out stupid forms.

I just wanted to have a job so I could be "A PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY" but I guess that's too much to ask.

I even thought of making up my own job. I made business cards, made a short bio of what I should do, and joined Facebook (which I loathe!), in order to pretend that I'm part of society. But it was all for nothing.

The women I met who had their own businesses had rich husbands to support them, a second job, or used to be President of the Realtor's Association, etc. I couldn't possibly expect to be one of them, nor could I pretend to fit in with their lifestyle.

Since I'm clearly un-employable, I have decided to give up joining society at all. 

Society values people on their 'productivity'--how much money they make (doesn't matter if it's an honest way or not). How much money you spend on any amount of crap: cars, houses, purses, etc. And how badly you judge other people--I would be considered the lowest rung on the ladder, therefore I would be judged quite harshly by others.

The fact that I'm an intelligent person, capable of feeling emotion, who loves to be creative and write--counts for nothing in this society.

I saw an ad on Yahoo! about the sort of people bosses HATE--I can only imagine my worthiness as a writer makes me the sort that bosses will not hire, simply because I can make a coherent sentence and think critically (which most people can't do today). 

Entering the job force requires you to give up everything that makes you a human being, throw away any ethics on right or wrong and do whatever it takes to win. It requires you to put on a fake personality so your bosses and co-workers will like you--no matter what. Getting considered for a job means competing with other people, even if it means putting them down and pretending you're more qualified than they are. Asking for a job is the equivalent of selling your soul to the devil...assuming that you have a soul to begin with.

No, I don't think I want to get a job anymore. I don't think I will bother trying.
I think I'd rather be dead than debase myself that way. 

I will become an outcast--one of those on the street, that people ignore wishing they would disappear, so that society doesn't have to be reminded of what they are doing wrong. 

I don't know what else to do anymore...

All I can do is try to write and find some little enjoyment in this horrible life that I don't want to live. At least when I die I can say that I lived the life I wanted to live, instead of the life that others would force me to live--a life without meaning.

I hope whoever's reading this will understand. Maybe they can see the truth and find something better to do with their own lives.