Every day, I see stories.
Today, I saw two military
recruiters in the BART station at Powell. I've never seen them there
before and it's the spot that musicians usually take when they're
performing (and busking). I wonder why the military is tabling at a
BART station. It seems bad, like they're desperate for people to
join. If we have more wars, more people will be needed to fight them.
We don't need a draft in the US, because we already have an economic
draft. People are desperate for jobs.
Every day, I see people.
Whose story do I want to
tell? Do I have the right to tell someone else's story? I used to
interview people for their stories. Now I don't get to talk to
anyone. It's not my job to be interested anymore. I'm still curious
though...
I have a lot of guilt. When
I see homeless people, usually people of color, I feel guilty. I
don't want to focus on the guilt. I want to focus on the people. It's
hard to look at people sometimes. Mostly I just keep to myself. I
don't want to get involved. I don't have strength to get involved. I
have my own problems and like most people, I'm too consumed by my own
troubles to care. I feel heartless. I feel cynical and jaded. I'm
becoming what I hate. But this wasn't supposed to be about me. This
was supposed to be a story about other people.
Every day, I'm tired.
No matter how much sleep I
get, I'm always exhausted in the morning. Yeah, losing a job sucks
and it really wrecks havoc on your daily routine. I have more time to
write but I don't feel like writing. There's so much I have to do...
How can I be so busy when I'm not working? I post to Facebook
sometimes. I need to get off Facebook. My friends are on Facebook and
they post a lot of stuff. I don't get to read it all because Facebook
messes with algorithms. I think Facebook is a waste of time. Doesn't
anyone talk on the phone or in person anymore?
Sometimes I lose a lot of
weight. I always feel like I'm dragging my body along, even after I
lose a few pounds. I shouldn't be losing weight. I feel like crap. I
feel like I'm hungry from Celiac and tired and worn out... I feel
like a dried up husk of a person and that pretty soon the rest of me
will give up. It explains my depression.
Every day, I'm stressed.
Stress is bad. Everyone
knows this, yet we don't do anything to stop it. Work causes stress.
People cause stress. My living situation causes me stress. I don't
have room for a proper bed, it's always noisy, I'm uncomfortable when
I sleep and I never feel at home in my ten by ten foot room. I feel
like crying at times. Sometimes I do cry. It doesn't help much. I
feel drained. I feel like the world is a vampire. I just want to get
away from people, be out in nature and sleep forever. I shouldn't
feel like this.
